Duck... duck... duck...

GOOSE.

I went thrifting today in search of kitschy stuff to spray paint and use as bathroom decor.  What I found (instead, again, in addition to) was a plethora of what I refer to as knick-knacky tacky krap.  Namely, GEESE.

Why country kitsch was so trendy in the mid-80s to 90s I'll never know, but these relics from decor of yesteryear have now permeated the thrift store market in abundance.  There's three things I absolutely abhor:

1. Wicker

2. Kenny G

3. GEESE

Not necessarily the live animal itself, although they are little shitting demons who ruin patios.  They are also quite tasty, but no - I'm referring to geese used in decoration.  Your classic white-feathered, yellow-billed assholes with stupid ribbons around their stupid necks.  There were so many here I was tempted to don a terrible green skirt suit and run screaming into the nearest phone booth.  Thank god the baby slept through this or he'd have been scarred for life, I'm convinced.

Anyway, here's the treasure trove I stumbled upon today, interspersed with the occasional dead-eyed porcelain doll or creepy ass clown. This is all from ONE store.

Why.  Just why.

I see you hiding back there, you smug little bastard

No. Wrong on so many levels.

GEEEEESE.

Rawr, I'm an angry asshole bird! Where the hell is my wing?!

Demon-eyed goose prostrates himself before you.

Make it stop.

"This goose is peeing on me."

I will pet him and love him and call him Lenny.

Goose hiding in onions. Sadly not baking in them.

Geese on a vase.

"Look, Angus! Grandmother has cooked a fine fat goose for Passover!"

"....kill me...."

Well, scratch Ohio off my vacation list...

MOAR GEESE.

What... what are you looking at?

Jesus, they come in pairs. And drinking vessels.

Demon eyed goose sings Satan's praises.

Sneaky goose napkin holder hiding on the bottom shelf.

Asshole goose dressed up for Christmas.

Ahhhh, save me from the geese.

Goose canister. To hold the finest goose shit.

Pilgrim goose

Glazed Goose.

You know what that is?  It's a BEEPER HOLDER. For when the 1990s pages you.

I want YOU... to have horrible nightmares.

Mother Goose has seen better days.

"Lookit my magnificent candle, Dave." "Fuck off, Steve."

Geese apparently go ATM.

"Please kill me. Here, just chop off my head."

"Ahhh, have you seen my brother Al?"

"Brian, I'm choking you dickwad!"

None of these abide here.

Aw, lookit his cute little wooden goose house. *lights match*

DAT GOOSE BOOTY DOH.

Hooker goose wears too much lipstick.

Goose hiding in glassware.

A flying flock of feathered fuckery.

Sassy goose wears too much mascara.

I shat out a baby goose... and then I stepped on it.

Geese on a Spoonrest is the new Snakes on a Plane.

Oh, it's okay, those are swan- GODDAMMIT GOOSE, GTFO.

A little known fact of the Victorian Era was the popularity of the "uniboob" look.

No. You are the worst kind of person. DIAF.

Cookie jar. Only satisfying aspect is being able to regularly behead it.

Another Goose Cookie Jar

Dining In The Deep End

CHANDELIER

Recently, we moved into a lovely new(er) home, embarking on a weekend moving endeavor like no other. (My friend Jen can attest to this - at one point the television said something and I went to go answer the door - I was delirious). After weeks of relocating, unpacking and cleaning, I was faced with a new dilemma... most of my old stuff didn't "go" with my new house. What's a girl to do???

Fortunately, there's websites like Design Sponge and Apartment Therapy, and super creative people like Jen to help me envision new ways of using my old furniture & decor.

I wish I had a before picture, but alas, none exist- my chandelier was completely black. Black bars, black chain, black shades, etc. Looked very chic next to the stark whiteness of my old, 1942 cottage home, but in our newer, brighter, warmer colored dining room, I needed something that would mesh with the cream colored walls and honey oak trim.

Voila! New shades (actually picked out by my husband) for $2 per shade at Stein Mart, and some spray paint ($3) was all it took, plus a cord/chain hiding scrunch ($10- Stein Mart). Again, $15 makes it look like an entirely new piece.


Can you imagine this thing completely black? Ugly chain exposed, no life at all (hey, it was $10 at a Sticks N Stuff store closing, I snatched it!)


CHAIRS

Since obtaining the new dining room table, and inheriting two chairs with it, I felt the need to recover them as well. The table was $75, but technically, the chairs were free.

Here's the Before...

Not terrible, but very worn & dark.

After a few coast of spray paint ($6 for 2 cans) and fabric I found on a HUGE roll at the City Rescue Mission thrift store (a 60K square foot mecca of thrift and materials - its probably my new favorite, and it's NEVER busy), the chairs were saved!

Brighter, happier, healthier...

...more productive, fitter....

FANCY.

And fancy meeting YOU here...

I love the cane back on these chairs, and am in the process of searching desperately for a set of 4 to coordinate (not match precisely). The fabric was a lucky find, and I have enough to cover the other chairs & possibly make a table runner/place settings. Love thrift stores!